reflection

(A lot of rambles in this post). 
These last few days have been hard. Erica caught a viral infection, which made for a lot of screaming, crying (for both of us), bad nights, etc..  She had a head to toe rash, green BM.. We ended up taking her to urgent care after the fifth hour of screaming. Then of course she stopped when we got there. So we turned around and left. She was up every 1/2-1 hr that night. The next morning I took her to the doctor and they said it would clear up on its own. Sure enough it has. She is slowly turning back into the content angel I love. 

After this I couldn't help but think "what would we be doing if we never had a baby"? Don't get me wrong. I dont want to send her back or anything. But at this time last year, we were standing firm to our statement "We are DONE having kids". Until Heavenly Father took over and I felt we needed to have one more. NOW we are done having kids. 
I started reflecting on the last year. I started working out, lost twenty pounds. Getting pregnant.. Christmas. My HORRIBLE pregnancy. It was a tough year after I got pregnant. I can see how it has affected me, and my relationship with my husband and children. It has taken its toll. Now I am starting to feel like I want to make everything better, and I have a baby to worry about now. 
During my reflection, I realized that Cam and I had passed the seven year anniversary of when we started dating. It scares me honestly. The "Seven year itch" is always something I have thought about. Ever since we hit 5 years, I have been waiting nervously for 7. Especially after I have watched SO many of my friends and friends parents go through separation and divorce! Cam and I no where near that. Its just a scary thought. Being divorce with 3 kids. (AGAIN Cam and I are GREAT, your mind just goes all over at 3am when your bored). 

I really want to get on with life. I try very hard to enjoy this stage with Erica, considering she is my last. But I want to start working out again. I want to be able to go out without her SCREAMING while shes in her car seat. I have been going crazy! I get excited when I get to go to the CO-OP alone. I want school to start so Carter can get back into his schedule and therapy, also so I can have more Logan time. 

During all this viral infection with Erica, Carter started with his new in home therapy with Renfrew. 5 days a week for 2 1/2 hours. I have been SO nervous to start this. We had a company at the beginning of the year and it didnt go so well.  After 2 aids I fired the whole company. It was not what I was expecting or hoping for. I stuck it out with the second aid for 7 weeks and felt we got nowhere. Then with a new baby and  Renfrew starting, I was anxious because of my encounter with the old company. Renfrew came through the door and IMMEDIATELY they were pushing him to talk and do things. For the two days they were here I am now excited about what the future will bring. He said some many things with them that I have NEVER heard him say and do things hes never done! The insured me they are not here to step on my toes. I can nap if needed, I dont need to be in the room. They can do outings with me. I can even get their help with some sort of lesson if I wanted! (I've been thinking hard about swimming lessons for him). I am very excited!

So now my goal is Christmas. I figure by then, Erica will be older and feed in longer periods. I want to see the progress that Carter has made by then. Logan will be talking more (and hopefully done his first classes in gymnastics). Hopefully Ill be able to be working out. Im excited for Christmas. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

So i have been wanting to post all the projects i've been working on. But we are sick. Lovely flu. But the reason I am posting... Erica started rolling over yesterday! I could barley drag myself out of bed, but then i was greeted with this. She looks SO proud of herself when she does it too. Shes been trying since she was 2 months old. So I was wondering when she would get all the way. Shes 5 months in a week or so. She would only do it when you weren't looking. But now shes going crazy! She gets on her belly and tries to push with her feet. SO CUTE!!  She wont stay on her back anymore. Then when she rolls over she stares you down until you praise her. This is this morning. She is an old pro now.
Read more

Blogging it because I cannot talk about it.

Image
Cam and I have told people more then once, "Carter is suspect Autism Spectrum Disorder". But after so many months of waiting, and having a specialist sit you down and say  "After observing you son, we firmly believe that he has Autism".   I now realize that I was not prepared to deal with the fact that Carter has Autisum.  I was, and still am, Devastated.  After the specialist told us of her conclusions she then asked , "Now after hearing that, how are you feeling? Are ok? Do you have questions? Can I help?" Honestly I thought I was fine. "We knew this was coming" I said. "I'm fine". Cams answer was the same. After she said "Yes, but sometimes having it confirmed makes it sink in, and you don't react how you thought you would". She was right. As soon as she said that I looked deeper and I knew I was ready to burst into tears. I wanted her out of my house and NOW. I knew Cam was dealing with his own feelings, so I h...
Read more

Kids Calenders

Image
So I feel like I am doing A LOT of projects lately. It has been wonderful. I feel as if the "I just had a baby" haze is slowly lifting and I am feeling (sort of) human again. My first project was 'Cams Christmas Countdown' . There are more to come! This one is more of an on going project. But I loved the idea so much that I decided to share. I was at a friends house awhile ago, and I notice her wall was covered in Calenders. I of course asked her why. She told me that she doesn't have time to keep journals for all her kids, so she buys them their own calender every year, and keeps all of their appointments, play dates, birthdays... anything thing to do with that child on their calender. So when they get older, they can go through them and see what they did growing up. FANTASTIC. Ever since Carter was born, I have felt guilt at not keeping some sort of journal for my kids. I barley write in mine anymore. I usually will sit down with my journal and need to rec...
Read more