He loves me, He loves me not, He loves me.......?

There are days with Carter, that I honestly wonder if he Loves me. It is something I try not to dwell on because I get really upset. With the way he is though, I wonder if he is fully capable of Love?
He prefers his father, no doubt about that. They have had this crazy connection since he was just a newborn. Carter never sought me out like a newborn looks for his mother. My voice never soothed him. It was Cam. Logan does look for me and want me, and it is a whole new experience. I would always be jealous to the core that Carter would run to his father and squeal in excitement to see him, but never me.
If I say "Love you". He'll say "Fuv ooo". But I know he has no clue what he is saying, just parroting. Or does he? There are moments where he wants to cuddle me, and sit with me. They are rare, so I soak them up and usually cry my way through them. It's hard to remember when he kicks, screams, and hits at me, but then throws himself into his fathers arms. I KNOW that I am the bad guy in this parent scenario. That always seems to happen to Mothers. I have a scar from said tantrums/bad guy stuff on my face to prove it.
There are things that happen between us, that I do try to remember. The other day, I was having a hard day with Logan. When Carter got up from his nap, Logan fell asleep. So I turned on a movie for Carter so I could doze. While I was lying there "sleeping", Carter came up to me and kissed me. I wondered if I had interpreted that right? Was that a kiss? But then he did it three more times. My little protector. *sigh*. He loves me? or not?

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